gears shifted

We’re officially in St. Louis – or, The Lou, if you’re cool. Laura and the kids arrived on Friday afternoon. I arrived on Saturday afternoon. And for the most part, we’ve settled in. Our beds are put together – hey, can i get an ‘amen’ for putting Ira and Sophia’s cheap IKEA bunk bed back together? – we’ve signed up for access to the city pool, and Sophia went to check out her new school.

Tonight, I begin a long summer of training with Teach For America. And I’m absolutely excited about it. But it was weird this past weekend to not have church responsibilities crowding my every thought. And it will be weird to meet new people tonight and over the next few weeks and speak about church ministry by using verbs in the past tense. I trained so long and hard to enter into the field of church ministry and now I’m not in it. I’m not sure how I feel about that but I can say that this past weekend, there was a gaping hole in my life. I’m praying the hole will be filled with this new endeavor and that it will be as equally fulfilling as church ministry was.

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Change is coming to my blog. My good friend, Kenny, is working on getting a new blog started for me so that CCFB can rightly claim this blog as their own. My new blog address will be…get ready for it…because the address will blow you away…ready?…okay, here goes:

joehays.wordpress.com

Wait, wait, wait. It’s not ready yet but it will be. Kenny’s swamped with work so it won’t happen for a while but I’m hoping that by announcing this over and over again, my mom and dad will catch on at some point. I think this is what those big dogs in DC call a preemptive strike.

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To officially inaugurate the new changes in my world, I give you this to consider and debate:

The term self-fulfilling prophesy, with regard to education, means that students perform in ways in which teachers expect. Their performance is based on subtle and sometimes not so subtle messages from teachers about students’ worth, intelligence, and capability.

Agree? Disagree?

Filed under: Blogging, CCfB, church, education, family, moving

bball + joe = luv 4eva

I woke last night at 2 a.m. My mind immediately took off. Do we have enough boxes? Why are we not all packed yet? The chaos is driving me crazy! Okay, what should be the game plan tomorrow? I should first… I was awake for ninety minutes. Wide awake. Argh.

People keep asking me, “Do you guys have movers that are doing the move for you?” No, we don’t. We’re doing it all ourselves. Hence waking up at 2 in the morning making list after list in my head about what needs to get done before Friday morning.

I should give a shout out to the guys who will help me load up the truck on Friday. I lured those guys in by making bold promises of donuts, coffee and an apartment already packed. Don’t you hate it when you’re asked to help someone move and you show up at their place and they aren’t even packed yet? That’s right up there with tardiness in my Naughty Naughty Book. (What? You don’t have a Naughty Naughty Book?) So I’m excited about these guys coming over at 9 a.m. on Friday morning at 116 Hoyt Street.

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This morning I played my last basketball game at the Dodge YMCA. I’ve been playing ball there for the past four years. Three days a week. With the same guys. Sure, a lot of our talk centers around All Things Basketball but we also know more intimate details about each other.

We’ve celebrated marriages, births, professional exams passed. We’ve lived through job cuts and new jobs received. We’ve waited anxiously for test results to come back on undiagnosed lumps. We’ve mourned the cancer that invades. We’ve checked in on each other as injuries plague us. We’ve shared the ups and downs of marriage and raising kids.

I don’t want to make it sound like we spend a majority of our time sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings but spending three mornings a week for four years running with each other affords us the opportunities to go a bit deeper than congratulating each other on a play well made.

It also means that we know each other so well that we can talk a bit of trash when the game is on the line. This morning, the guys were out to get me. “Let’s send Joe home packing!” was a common refrain. I begged for mercy being that it was my last day but found none. It’s a relentless crew. And now here I sit getting ready to spend my day packing but I’m happy to announce that I had the last laugh: my team ran the court this morning.

Filed under: basketball, friends, moving

it's like i'm 12 all over again

This Friday I’ll head out for the open road…with my mom and dad. They generously offered to help us with the move. With Laura and the kids flying to St. Louis I took my parents up on their offer.

The last time I took a road trip with my mom and dad I was twelve. We drove from west Texas to Boston. None of us wore seat belts. I played G.I. Joe in the back of the suburban pretending the luggage to be mountainous terrain. And we listened to Billy Joel. Lots of Billy Joel. (Except for the song Captain Jack which my family thought I was too young to hear. They always fast forwarded that song. I now know that song by memory because you can bet your bottom dollar that I found ways to hear the mysteriously fast forwarded song. Yeah, I was crazy-rebellious.)

I’ve been asked a lot lately how I feel about this move? “Are you excited? Ready? Sad?” I’m feeling all that and more. Have I mentioned that we really like New York City and all the people we’ve come to know? So yeah, we’re sad. But we’re also ready. We’ve known that we would be moving since February. It’s been a while. And now it’s time. We’ve said goodbye to those we need to say goodbye to. Our Manhattan Church friends threw us a party. Our landlords hosted a neighborhood going-away party. This past Sunday, CCFB blessed us with an incredible send-off service. It’s time to go. We’re ready. And we’re excited. We’re excited to be with Laura’s parents. We’re excited for a change of pace. We’re excited about new challenges. We’re excited about the arrival of our third child. There’s lots to look forward to.

And I’m excited to make this trip with my parents. Oh sure, they’ll drive me crazy and I’ll drive them crazy on this road trip but fun will be had. I’m guessing things will be a bit different than in 1986 when we drove to Boston. This time around we’ll wear our seatbelts. Instead of playing G.I. Joe in the back of the van, I’ll actually share in the driving duties. And maybe I can talk my parents into listening to some of my NPR podcasts. One thing won’t change, we will, at some point, listen to Billy Joel and when Captain Jack rolls around I’ll probably hit the skip button. After all, who wants to listen to music about a depressed, drunk, self-pleasuring manic while cruising the open road with your parents?

Filed under: New York, family, moving, transition, travel

what's gonna become of this blog anyway?

That’s the question that I’ve been asked by two of my three readers. And the answer is, “I’m not sure.” My buddy, Kenny, is working on getting the scenary changed around here and it might (or might not) require me getting a new url but the question remains, Am I going to keep blogging after the move?

And that’s hard to answer because I haven’t really felt like blogging over the past couple of months. What blogs I have written are pretty sporadic and, if I’m honest with myself, uninteresting. And so we’ll have to wait and see if the move energizes me and gives me new material to write about. Another factor will be time.

This new Teach For America gig is pretty intense. The summer schedule alone is gonna knock my socks off so I’m guessing that with what free time I do have, I better give to Laura and the kids. I think they would appreciate that. That’s not to say that I won’t sneak in a blog or two late at night but it might get quiet around here for a while.

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I said a while back that I would blog about all the things I’m gonna miss about Brooklyn. That never really happened, did it? (See, I told you I wasn’t in the mood to blog.) But it’s happening now. And with pictures! Woo-hoo!

I’m gonna miss Broadway shows. Laura and I love musicals. We sing pretty much all the time around our house. For Ira’s fourth birthday, we used money that Glo/Gram gave us for Christmas and saw The Lion King. Thanks, Mom.

I’m gonna miss the Brooklyn Bridge. We drove over the bridge every day of our lives when Ira was in the hospital. And we’ve walked it countless times as well. I could dig pretty deep here and extrapolate some metaphors but I’ll refrain. (You’re welcome.) We walked the bridge a couple of weeks ago. Just a few tears were shed as we did.

I’m gonna miss going to games at Yankee Stadium. There’s nothing like it. Even in the new stadium, one can feel the ghosts of Mantle, Ruth, and others. This past weekend, Brian O’s dad treated us all to a game. We sat in some really sweet seats and ate all the free food we could get our hands on. The game was amazing as the Yanks rallied in the ninth and won the game. Yep, a few tears were shed as we all jumped up and down in hysterics over what we had witnessed. Brian and Tara, you guys will be missed. Mr. O, thanks for the game.

I’m gonna miss being at the center of it all. Whatever it is, it happens in NYC first. For example, Laura and I had the privilege of attending the premier of Loot, a documentary. Our friend, Anson, was the cinematographer for the film. HBO picked up the documentary and opened it at their headquarters this past weekend. Laura and I put on our NYC best (all black clothes) and headed to the HBO offices. It was a blast. And let me just say, the movie was incredible. Set your DVRs and record LOOT premiering on HBO2 on May 20 at 8 PM (ET).

And of course, there’s the people. There is our CCFB family who we will dearly miss. There are our literal, physical neighbors here on Hoyt St. that we will miss. There are our friends that we’ve made through Sophia and her peers who we will miss. There are my basketball buddies that I see and spend hours with several times a week who I will miss. There are the friends we’ve made through Ira and the hospital that we will miss. Of course, I don’t have a picture of all these people but you get the picture. More than places, things, or events, we will miss our friends.

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One last story to share with you. Tonight, I heard Ira tossing and turning in his bed. I went and laid by him. I never do this so he was taken by surprise. I put my arm around him and he suddenly became still. After a few seconds he laid his hand on my hand and whispered, “you my best friend.” I melted. He has my heart.

Filed under: Blogging, Brooklyn, CCfB, Ira, Laura, Sophia, Yankees, basketball, family, film, food, friends, moving, photos, relationships, sports

what's on your mind?

The photo above isn’t set-up. In other words, it’s not like I said, “Hey Sophia, go sit on that log by the East River and rest your head in your hands while looking contemplative at the Manhattan skyline.” It’s a very real moment. And it seems to sum up a lot of what’s going on with us here in Brooklyn. We’re thinking. And this thinking that we’re doing takes on various forms: remembering, planning, dreaming.

We’ve said some goodbyes recently to folks we know we won’t see again before we leave Brooklyn. Saying goodbye is never easy but it does force one to remember what it was in the first place that made the relationship happen. And if one is worth their salt, it also allows for one to speak words of encouragement and blessing as the farewell is bid. We’ve also made concious efforts to visit some of our favorite city hangouts. We’re eating our favorite food. Taking our favorite walks. Seeing our favorite sights. We’re remembering.

Our apartment’s been invaded by boxes. Loads and loads of boxes. And we’re starting to fill them up. The plans are made as to the actual moving date (May 29). And plans are made for this summer. And still there are more plans that need to be made. Like this one little example, Where are we going to have this baby?!?! In our heads, we’re doing lots of planning.

And we’re dreaming. What new things will we discover in St. Louis? What new lifestyle changes will we undergo that will be exciting and adventurous? And we know lots of people already. How will those relationships grow and evolve? And what new friends will we make there? And I’m sure my kids are dreaming about what it will be like to live with their grandparents and wondering how spoiled they’ll become. (Harvey and Kay, I expect both of you to find those stern voices you once had when your own kids were under you roof!) The dreaming part is pretty exciting. We’ve had fun at the dinner table over the past few weeks dreaming with each about life in St. Louis.

All this thinking – the remembering, planning and dreaming – keeps things moving here on Hoyt St. It keeps us on our toes. And even though it can be exhausting it’s been good for our family. We do well in the midst of crisis, change, transition. I would say that we’re well-versed in these arenas. And because our family has lived a life that has required us to to know crisis, change and transition intimately, we can with utmost assurance testify that God will see us through. God has done so before and God will do so again. In all this thinking that we’re doing, never far from our thoughts is the truth that God is faithful.

Filed under: God, family, friends, moving

leaving bklyn

Over the past six years, my family has made its home in New York City. For a little less than a year, 91st St and 1st Ave in Manhattan’s Upper East Side (some say, Spanish Harlem) was our home. That small 450 sq ft apt seemed just right for us. And then we found 116 Hoyt St. in Brooklyn’s Boerum Hill. We felt we were moving into a mansion as we almost doubled our living space. It didn’t take long to realize that Brooklyn was just right for us. We quickly grew to love it and had no problem calling it home.

And yet, we’ve had our moments over the past six years. Moments in which we yearned for a backyard with swings and a slide; when we longed to be near family; when we wanted to wake to peace and quiet instead of sirens and horns honking. It’s a rare few who don’t feel the push and pull of the city.

These days, it’s not uncommon to hear Laura and me utter the phrases, “I sure am gonna miss this,” or, “I certainly won’t miss this.” Over the next couple of months, I’ll spend time here thinking about those things I will miss and the aspects of city life that I won’t miss. In doing so, I hope to gain some sense of appreciation of where we’ve been the past six years while also gaining an appreication of where we’re going.

Filed under: Brooklyn, Laura, moving